Sunday, January 31, 2010


yesterday was my birtday. i`ve got this mixed feeling- i was happy because everyone wished for my wellbeing, and some of them even gave me presents. so touched! i didn`t expect that from you guys, thanks a lot! though u`re wishes are also much2 appreciated! here are the presents that i got:

hahaha, i don`t care about the price, as long as you said that it`s a present, i`ll consider it as a present. heehhee

and now, the sad part:

i got this message from wan nor:

"ingatlah Allah dalam hatimu, nescaya tiada duka untukmu..
ingatlah Allah dalam hatimu, nescaya musibah dunia tiada buatmu..
Kelmarin Allah membantumu.. percayalah, hari ini dan selamanya Allah membantumu..
Jadilah hamba yg paling bahagia di sisi Allah.. Selamat Hari Lahir.. Cerah!"

then, izzat muhaimin came and wished for my birthday and he asked:

"ari ni ari jadi ko kan? umur makin panjang ke makin pendek??"

the words struck to my heart. a slap of reality. i`m not getting any younger. my death is approaching. and my sins are increasing day by day. i`ve done a lot of sins-I ALWAYS GOSSIPPING, I BREAK A FRIENSHIP BOND, I STILL COULD NOT HELP BUT HATE CERTAIN PEOPLE, I`M JUDGEMENTAL, MY IBADAH ARE NOT PERFECT AND ON AND ON. owh, and what good have i done??? hmmpphh. i remembered the videos about DEATH that i watch at the ITC the other day. TOLONG AKU UNTUK BERUBAH YA ALLAH...

and once again, i want to thank my
siblings and
my friends!

thanks guys, you`re the best!!!

p/s: i remembered ustazah nazirah from my high school once told us not to wish a long life for ourselves or someone else`s. come to think it, it makes sense. just imagine ourselves as a senile and very old people , we would surely causes difficulties to sons or daughter. ask ourselves- do we really want that??

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


YES, I DID READ MY STORY DURING THE storytelling TODAY. i felt so stupid! .SO SAD WITH MYSELF. Waaaaaaa!


Storytelling: HAIR
It was still vivid in my memory the very first time I ever saw her. I was in the Biology class when this new girl came. I don`t know if it was love at first sight but all I knew is that I was certainly struck by her beauty. She had these big brown eyes that shone like diamonds. Her olive skin was flawless and she got the sweetest smile I had ever seen. The way she talked when she introduced herself hinted politeness and her voice was gentle and compassionate, but, the thing I like most about her was her hair.

Her hair was long, black and shiny making it the envy of every girl in the school. Her hair was easily the most beautiful in our class or even, our school. Much to my amusement, she gracefully walked and sat at the empty seat beside me. The smell of shampoo from her hair caught my nose when she walked beside me. Oh, I couldn`t describe how happy I was that day. Since then, our relationship started to bloom.
Over the months, we became closer to each other. She was easy to talk to and her attitude was very pleasant and outgoing. We shared our problems and happiness. She always supported me in everything that I did and comforted me when I was in difficulties. She gave me the shoulders to cry on and I gave her mine. Another thing about her was that she always put on a happy face no matter how tired she was and laughed at even the silliest jokes. There must be some kind of chemistry between me and her as we seemed to get along very well. But, we are only best friends, not more than that. Not yet anyway.

It was a rainy morning when everything changed. It was the physics period and Madam Mona was teaching the Nuclear Formula. Beside me, Alicia looked very pale for she had been very sick since early morning. Her face was white, her head in constant headache and the area around her lungs felt very painful. Madam Mona, who already prepared a question called upon Alicia to solve it. Though Alicia was feeling very sick, she still went to the whiteboard to try to solve the problem. She was writing the answer when suddenly, she had a coughing fits. Cough! Cough! Oh! The sound was so horrible. It was as if the air inside her lungs were squeezed out of her. Then, she put her right hand to her mouth and everyone was surprised to see red, black blood staining her hand.

She felt to her knees, her face showed unimaginable pain. Madam Mona quickly helped her got to her feet and sent her to the hospital...
The news of her diagnosis hit me like lightning. Oh my God! She had lung cancer! How could this be? She was only seventeen, she was too young. The days after this seemed black. Oh, how i wished that this was just a nightmare, just a horrible, horrible nightmare.

Since that day, she came less and less to school for she had to undergo the chemotherapy treatment. I started to miss her a lot; it was like a part of me was missing. When she was in school, the chemotherapy treatment left her with frequent nausea and headache. But still, despite the pains and sufferings, the sweet smile, and her cheerful manner still did not fade. Everyone at school really cared for her; they would try to help her in any way they could. It somehow made the pains more bearable.

Even so, the disease finally affected her. One week after the chemotherapy treatment, she woke up to find clumps of hair on her pillow. The sight of her lifeless hair separated from her head really devastated her. She clung to it, she didn`t want to let it go. It was her crown, her beauty. She cried and cried while her mother tried to comfort her. That day, she mourned the loss of the hair that she cared for so much.

I could not help but shed a few tears when i saw the bald girl entered the class. Her head was covered with a hat. Some of the classmates gathered around her, with red watery eyes they hugged her. We could not help but felt sorry for her. It was such an awful ordeal that she had to endure- to loss one`s most valuable possession. The classmates` simple gestures of kindness cause tears to trickle down her cheeks. It was tears of gratitude.

Something weird had happened to me- i couldn`t sleep and my mind always thought of Alicia. Was it love? Maybe. Did she love me too? Well, time to find out. I decided to ask her as my date to the ballroom dance that the school organised every year. I could tell that she was not expecting it but nonetheless, she accepted it anyway. Her reply made my heart burst with joy. My emotion was mixed between nervousness and excitement when i went to her house. I had done a very special thing for her that night. I rang the bell and she opened the door. She was pleasantly surprised to see my head shaved to the very last strains. She smiled and spontaneously touched the bare skin on my head. After greeting her parents, we went to the luxuriously-decorated dance hall. The atmosphere in the dance hall was heavenly. Love was in the air all around us.

The music played, we stood and faced each other. My right hand grabbed hers, while my other hand was positioned on her waist. And then, we started to dance. My eyes fixed on hers. We looked at each other, full of passion, full of love. And we danced and danced and danced, a bald couple dancing under the lights.
That was when i whispered to her ear “I love you Alicia, I love you with all my heart.” She didn`t reply, she just hugged me really tight. She buried her head on my coat and she cried. “What`s wrong Allie? Don`t you love me?” i asked her. She looked at me and said, “I love you too, but, I`m sick Asyraf, I`m really, really sick. I might be dea...” “Stop it! Don`t say that, I don`t care, all I know is that i love you and I’m not letting you go!” I wiped the tears of her cheeks. She looked at me. I looked at her. Our head moved closer and our lips met. We kissed our first kiss that night.

It was like a dream and i wished that it would never end. Unfortunately, it did. After the dance, I sent her to her house. She looked happy but, I did not know why after she left I felt this deep, painful sorrow. Something was wrong, I could feel it.

It turned out that I was right. Something did happen to her. It was only the next morning when I learned the news of her death. She died that night after the dance; her cancer was in the terminal state. Oh, the grief that I felt then still haunts me till this day. It was as if my heart was ripped out of my body. But, i have to accept her leaving me. Nevertheless, i will never forget her sweet smile, her beautiful eyes and the smell of her hair.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010




9:30am -Bertolak dari Jetty Kuala Besut ke Pulau Perhentian Kechil

11:00am - Tiba di Chalet /Check-in

1:00pm - Lunch

2:30pm - Aktiviti di Pantai
-Belajar cara nak guna alat2 snorkling
-Snorkling di depan Chalet

6:00pm -Bola tampar
-Bola sepak pantai

7:30pm -Makan Malam

9:00pm -Aktiviti bebas


8:00am -Sarapan Pagi

9:30am -Snorkling di tengah laut
-5-6 tempat terumbu karang paling cantik di pulau perhentian

1:00pm -Makan Tengahari Di Pulau Besar/Perkampungan Nelayan

2:30pm -Shark point & Turtle bay

4:00pm –Bertolak Balik ke Chalet

6:00pm-Aktiviti pantai

7:30pm-Makan Malam & BBQ

9:00pm-Aktiviti Bebas


8:00am-Sarapan Pagi


12:00pm-Makan Tengahari

2:00 pm – Check out
- Bertolak Balik Ke Kuala Besut

4:00 pm –Aktiviti Selesai


Monday, January 25, 2010



i bought this novel called shiver and i was very excited because the cover of this book looked so stylish. but that`s about it. when i reached the middle part of this book, i felt nothing- no excitement,no interest, no nothing. i didn`t even want to read this stupid book. it`s like a burden to finish it! arrgggghhh! the title shiver really suited this book as i was really, really shivering with anger and regret because i spent RM42.90 FOR THIS DAMN BOOK!!

i think that the characters in this novel are stupid, the theme werewolves though sounds exciting but really sucks actually. it`s about this girl who was so obsessed with wolf so much that she hoped that the yellow-eyed wolf was really human(freak!). and then there`s the yellow-eyed werewolf who like to invent stupid lyrics in his head. the lyrics are horrible. and the part that i like most about this novel was the damn dialogue. it`s so bad, it`s not funny, it`s not even sad, though, it tried to be funny, but, the effect just wasn`t there especially the isabel`s dialogue.

i`m so pissed of when i buy stupid books, what a great waste!

here are some of the other stupid books that i had read:
the zahir by paulo coelho,
one hundred years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez,
the lost symbol by dan brown,
tuesdays with morrie by mitch albom,
the secret scripture by sebastian barry,
the broker by john grisham(nabil ade buku ni, hehehe),
the testament by john grisham,

don`t buy these books!

here`s the fate of that stupid novel:

Monday, January 18, 2010


"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and
smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more
problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to
life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,
but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but
accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more
computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we
communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but
broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway
morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything
from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the
showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can
bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share
this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember, to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not
going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks
up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave
your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the
only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most
of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from
deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person might
not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to
share the precious thoughts in your mind."

— Bob Moorehead

p/s: so true, isn`t it?? asyik2 copy paste jek aku nie... lack originality btol., hhehheehe


"You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise."
— Maya Angelou

Saturday, January 16, 2010


"i cannot go to school today"
said little peggy ann mckay.
"i have the measles and the mumps,
a gash, a rash and purple bumps.

my mouth is wet, my throat is dry.
i`m going blind in my right eyes.
my tonsils are as big as rocks.
i`ve counted sixteen chicken pox.

and there`s one more- that`s seventeen,
and don`t you think my face looks green?
my leg is cut, my eyes are blue,
it might be the instamatic flue.

i cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
i`m sure that my left leg is broke.
my hips hurt when i move my chin,
my belly button` caving in.

my back is wrenched, my ankle`s sprained,
my` pendix pains each time it rains.
my toes are cold, my toes are numb,

i have a sliver on my thumb.

my neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
i hardly whisper when i speak.
my tounge is filling up my mouth,

i think my hair is falling out.

my elbow`s bent, my spine ain`t straight,
my temperature is one-o-eight.
my brain shrunk, i cannot hear,

there`s hole in my ear.

i have a hangnail, and my heart is...
what? what`s that? what`s that you say?
you say today is?... saturday?

g`bay, i`m going out to play!!!"

-shel silverstein

Sunday, January 10, 2010


Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Permanent Scars.

i`ll forget what you did, i`ll forget what you said, but, i will never forget how you made me feel.

heart is a fragile things, easily wounded not by knife but by mere words. words thrown at a wrong place, wrong time are a potential threat to our relationship. like sharp flying shards slashing our flesh, exerting painful wounds, leaving us with permanent scars. and over time, the wound heals, but the scars are still there, still visible to rekindle the pains. it`s irrepairable, it`s permanent, it`s there. and it`s very very real.

when you hurt people, they begin to love you less. that`s what careless words do. they make people love you a little less.
- The God of Small Things

so, watch your mouth...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The God of Small Things: a story of tragedy.

"Perhaps it`s true that things can change in a day. that a few dozen hours can affect the outcome of whole lifetimes. and that when they do, those few dozen hours, like the salvaged remains of a burned house- the charred clock, the singed photograph, the scorched furniture- must be resurrected from the ruins and examined. preserved. accounted for. little events, ordinary things, smashed and reconstituted. imbued with new meaning. suddenly, they become the bleached bones of a story."- The God of Small Things.

this is a story of small things and how it affects the characters in a rather devastating way. the language of this novel is stunningly beautiful- the writer used a tones that is almost childlike with a child point of view. and the way the story unfolded is so dramatic. reading the story is like finishing a puzzle- it is not systematic, the storyline came back and forth and eventually, the story completed. we already know the fate of the characters when we read the first chapter, we just don`t know how it happen and hence, reading this novel is like a watching a downhill journey of the characters into their doom. the language of this novel certainly hook me up from the beginning- the beautiful prose, the way the writer played with words- was just mesmerizing. it is concise, clear, and catchy.

the characters in this novel are also very interesting. they are alive, radical and interesting- the strange twins, the mother who commit an unthinkable thing, the sly baby grand aunt, and the eccentric uncle. this novel contains the heavy theme of caste system, family conflict, death, and communism. i like the theme of how small things affect the lives of this characters, of what a small thing that happen in the wrong place at a wrong times do to them. they are truly the sufferer of circumstances and fate.

and so, here i present you, The God of Small things. read it and you won`t regret it!

p/s: there are some obscene scenes in this novels, i don`t understand why they always ruin a good novel with such things. hate it! and yet, still, i like the novel very much. sigh.